The Worst Lemonade I’ve Ever Had

State: Florida

I woke up tired. If you could call it waking up. I didn’t sleep, so much as toss and turn all night.


The mosquito symphony wherever I lay my head. Not bitten due to the mosquito netting on my hammock, but the sound they make right next to your ears.

“My fault for sleeping near water,” I thought.

I got up and broke camp then started back down 44 and set out in search of some Manatees to swim with or perhaps an Alligator to catch.

I honestly wasn’t in the best mood due to the lack of sleep. Combine that with the constant soreness of being on the road lugging a 60lb pack; it was a day where if I’d had a bed I wouldn’t have left it.

But as the sun rose, so did my mood. I saw an osprey flying and then landed in its nest next to its mate and some hawks having a conversation like an old married couple.

As I walked with woods on either side of me, I was stopped in my tracks by the silence. No cars were driving or even close.

Just the hum of the crickets and the wind rustling the palms and pines.

I breathed in the moment to make it mine forever and then continued on my way as I heard a car approaching.

The soreness was getting to me a bit. Knowing I was low on water, power, and any miles I made I’d have to do again. I set a point to check out and then head back.

I was annoyed with how many houses there were despite being near a wildlife preserve. Naturally, almost all of them said “Private Property, No trespassing!”

I stopped at a bend in the road and thought it was supposed to be a mini beach you could see the Crystal River from. However, it turned out to be a side street full of houses with the familiar looking signs, which I was fed up with and ignored.

Where I saw the Crystal River from, it didn’t live up to its name. I turned back and headed for the library, but as I walked I decided to stop a Dollar General for a coke. Then as I searched for the cold drinks I spotted some ice cream sandwiches (4 for $1)…sold. I also saw lemonade in the next fridge.

Now at any given time on the road if you were to ask me if I could have anything in the world what would it be?

I would respond with one of the following:

  1.  A hot shower
  2.  A nap (which is easy to do since I have no schedule)
  3.  A pizza
  4. A cold glass of Lemonade

I sat in front of the Dollar General and scarfed two of the ice cream sandwiches and then chugged half of the Turkey Hill Lemonade and immediately regretted it.

Being as I actually have been eating healthy on the road, my tastebuds have changed. I tell you what, I tasted every kind of artificial chemical they put in that thing.

I threw the half-full bottle away and washed my mouth out with the little remaining water I had. I considered my other two ice cream sandwiches, but couldn’t force myself to eat them. I’d had enough artificial ingredients for that day and they followed the lemonade into the trash.

So if someone ever offers you Turkey Hill Lemonade…run! Because they’re not your friend and are trying to poison you!

Forever your friend,

~The Outsider

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